I will now shine the light of reality, like they do in the films, through your disillusioned, half opened, conjunctivitis gunk covered, eyes to the real miscreant, devious playboy that Jesus really was. Here is a list of some of his most famous and unlawful (if the law was created then, i'm not too sure) acts, i do know more, but i want to keep a few for myself.
1. It has been rumoured that the reason for Eve taking the apple off of the tree was that she needed something to bite down on whilst Jesus gave her a right old seeing too. Don't tell Adam.
2. Jesus liked to play a practical joke on his group of 12 mates, also known as the Disciples, where he would cut up their sandals so that when they put them on it the morning, their feet would go straight through the ends. He liked to call this, 'Cuttius Of Thy Sandalsius'.
3. Thirdly, Jesus could be found every thursday, in the hour of 6.00pm-7.00pm also know 'Thy Happiest Of Hours' in the world renowned night club 'The Oddly Bright Star', where he would challenge the strongest men in the club to an arm wrestle, but with their beards. Losers would pay for the next round of drinks.
4. Jesus was said to have been found by many of his lovers masturbating, using his beard…Turns out that the beard wasn't just for the 'Rolling Stone' cover he did.
5. Jesus had this statement tattooed on his back, and it is said that he will not stop until he has completed his ambition. 'I have two ambitions in life: one is to drink every pub dry, the other is to sleep with every woman on earth.'
6. Jesus was often found after a night out with his 12 disciples, in the back garden of peoples houses, moving ornaments and potted plants around, just to be a nuisance.
7. Another of Jesus's favour practical jokes to play of his disciples, was to make their favourite gown's into crotchless gown's. This was called 'Crotching Of Thy Mates Gown's'.
8. Cheese.
For now…Dick
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