Unforgivably I have learnt nothing new today, so my usual account of 'three things I have learnt today' will be postponed until further notice. "Oh Dirk you rotter!" I hear you cry. Well sorry. However, in it's place with a mighty bold erection shall be a new article titled 'Fags' in which I describe famous gay people with cigarettes up their bums.
1. Stephen Fry- Stephen, or Big Gay Steve to his pals, likes to take the stance of a man lost for breath after a short jog. Inserted up his botty is a lit Camel Smooth. 6/10
2. Freddie Mercury- Old Fred would lie on his back in the 'Alexander Position', belting out rock classics, all the while with a smoking hot Lambert & Butler positioned gently between his anus. 9/10
3. Graham Norton- Apparently Norton tends to smoke his daily 'arse fag' under a moonlit sky, surrounded by quails eggs and random assortments of fruit pastilles. He's quite the connoisseur when it comes to smokes, you could find him with anything from a Marlboro Light to a Cigar. Must try harder. 3/10
4. Sol Campbell- Since leaving Newcastle United this summer, rumor has it, big Sol enjoys nothing more than parading around Gateshead on a trailer being pulled by everyone's favorite D.I.Y merchant Arnold Laver. In between Sol's massive arse is an unlit Mayfair Smooth. Quite good. 7/10
So there you have it, hopefully I will learn something tomorrow, it can only get worse.
Thanks for listening,
Dirk x
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