can you picture what will be, so limitless and free.

I've just stumbled across the original 10 commandments. It read as follows;

1. Thou shall put his/her thumb up the love of their lives bum so they know that they are your special one!

2. Thou shall drink as much as possible whenever the opportunity presents itself. Do not let an excuse such as a lack of funding stop you.

3. Thou shall behave as irresponsibly and unsociably as humanly possible whilst returning from a night out.

4. Thou shall dance till the music stops, no exceptions.

5. Children must be bought up on vietnam war films and vietnam war films only, no disney!

6. Thou shall absorb information presented by bear grylls in the same fashion a sponge absorbs a liquid.

7. Thou shall kill justin beiber, nick minaj and ed sheeran.

8. Thou shall use correct and proper English at all times, no exceptions.

9. Thou shall wear a full, tailored suit all day every day.

10. Thou shall have a laugh.

the lost generation

Paul was a bionic man, with the strength of an ox and tears that could melt metal.

Paul tried to love, but his metal heart refused his every plea.

Paul skirted around the idea of love, trying to find a way to concur with his ruthless heart.

Paul became lonely, as a man, bionic or not, can not receive emotion when unable to produce it. 

Paul met a woman who warmed his steel heart like an iron in a furness. 

Paul's heart began to melt.

Paul's heart began to cool.

Pauls heart broke as a result of the sudden cooling.

Paul's steel heart was right all along.

Paul should have listened to his steel heart.

The moral of the story is that its a long road to ruin, plot your path careful to avoid distractions. 

death sat on my knee and cracked with laughter.

It was a sunny day, an old man with a face textured like a crumpled up crisp packet, breath similar to the smog found escaping factory chimneys and fingers yellow from clutching onto cigarette's since the start of time (ironically in the same fashion he was now grasping for an extension on his poor excuse for a 'life') was sat on his porch paying thought to what he could do with his day. After becoming out of pocket in the 'thought' category he had decided.

He took a stool, and after plenty of contemplating, decided on placing it precariously close to a doctors. The old man found joy and happiness in observing people of the same level of health as himself while suckling on a bottle of cheap whiskey hidden by the brown bag it was wearing as an overcoat. It suddenly began to rain, and after glaring up to the leaking skies the old man tried to refocus his vision back on to the fast and thick flow of diseased people entering and leaving the doctors, only to find it impaired by death perching himself on the old mans lap, with a comforting smile and a touch as soft as I imagine pamela andersons touch to be.

"its time to go" whispered death into the gentleman's ear.

life it was you make it.

Where The Sun Doesn't Shine

Bonnie the badger was afraid of the wind, and had been since he was a baby. Every time the wind blew, his face would turn upside down and his shiny hair would turn a bit crinkly, like a mini cheddar. He loved mini cheddars though, but that didn't counteract with his horrible experience. Leaves would fly past his slightly peculiar ears, and often whisper horrible things, telling him that he looked like a pig. Bonnie hated pigs, so this upset him greatly.

Bonnie now lives with a couple of ducks down the stream, where the wind doesn't blow, and the sun doesn't shine, which is actually where this phrase refers to, and originated from. On hot sunny days (the sun comes out sometimes), Bonnie can be seen swimming in a glass of Pimms, next to the stream, where the other animals share strong looks of discomfort and kuhn-fyoo-zhuhn. He likes that.

Non Compos Mentis

Morning sports fans, In no particular order, ten things that I have learnt tomorrow. 1. Spanish people are disgusting friendly. 2. In Bolton, women and children are considered less worthy than pets. Similarly in Kippax, physical abuse is a well known sport. 3. In 1899 a man named Stuart Potts was born. This was said to be the inspiration for the well known true life story Harry Potter, written by J.R.R Tolkien. 4. In Newcastle a man once found AIDS in his 'Bombay Badboy' Pot Noodle. Other ingredients in Pot Noodle include Rabbit droppings, gypsy tears, carbon dioxide, oil, red hair and communism. 5. Lettuce was invented after a man complained his kebab was too dry. The same procedure was used to create tomato, onion, chilli sauce and garlic mayonnaise. Chips had already being invented, as a friend for pizza. 6. In Japan, overweight babies are drowned at birth. 7. The first man to discover incest was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize in 1677. This man was later knighted after his successful attempt at mating two fried eggs. 8. In a recent poll, 68% of people agreed that actors are the most hated people on earth. Others included: absent Fathers, Joey Essex, rapists and Jews. 9. Fellatio is offered as a reward for good behaviour in most German schools. 10. Karl Marx was black. So there you have it, ten facts straight out the book of facts. Thanks. D.

Its nice to see your face after such a long and painless absence.

Hello,

Apologies for the severe lack of post's over the past few months, i know you guys must have been pulling your hair out asking "WTF ARE THESE GUYS PLAYING AT?!?". But there are valid reasons for the absence of anything interesting, funny or enlightening being posted on here recently…I'm just not going to tell you what those reasons are because it makes us sound and look mysterious!

Anyway, onto the positive and foreseeable future. I would like to mark this post as the beginning of me Richard Tugg, the creator of this wonderful & sacred palace, regathering the bricks and mortar in the form of those words that were so brutally displaced, and rebuilding the original bridge from your sane side of the river, over to our less sane side. Don't fret, return tickets are available.

I have sent word to my fellow 'literature artists' about the reincarnation of the blog via. racing pigeon…so they should be receiving the message pretty soon (those pigeons are quick you know!).

Again, Please forgive me and accept my further apology for making you wait this long for your next fix, but i would appreciate it if you welcomed us back with open and slightly warm arms, in the same fashion that we welcomed you in at the very birth of this sanctuary.

For now, but not for long…Richard Tugg