What is wisdom? How do you achieve the levels of wisdom that equate to people gathering in crowds to listen to you talk about anything, with their jaws slumped open in ore?
Are owls really that wise? I've never seen a group of animals gathered around an owl before, this must be a misconception!
I can imagine that there is a lot of pressure on the small population of people possessing genuine wisdom, a pressure to consistently deliver overwhelming amounts of knowledge without breaking a mental sweat.
Do you have to keep topping up your levels of wisdom, or are the amounts you have sufficient to keep the crowds pleased? How do you top your levels of wisdom up? Do you have to blend in with the crowd, maybe wear a fake moustache and listen to other wise men?
Do you receive an official award from a governing body to congratulate you on becoming wise?
The path of excess leads to the palace of wisdom.
Friday, 30 March 2012
Monday, 19 March 2012
Fascination
Can you train yourself to use your unconscious mind and the thoughts that come in partnership with it? I would like to think so as i believe it is the birthday place of your wildest fantasies, the origin of your craziest thoughts and ideas, and the source providing the ingredients to whip together and produce the extravagant thoughts that your conscious mind will hijack and convert into the tedious day to day thoughts that over power and flood our brains.
I am going to attempt to spend whatever spare time I have consciously stimulating and capturing the thoughts of my unconscious mind to create something insanely spontaneous in a form that is not yet clear to me. Its as though i can see the thought…but through frosted glass.
For now…Richard
Someone Find My Serious Face
As easy as it sounds, counting sheep in a conservatory couldn't be harder.
Fitting the woolen bastards in to the glassed enclosure is one thing, but having enough cheerios to fill a bowl is another.
It takes 3 sheep to tame a horse, and one horse to defeat 3 sheep, so is the glass half full or half empty?
We all dream about things, but what if the dream we encounter becomes realer than real, and life itself becomes blurred.
What if when we die, we embark a constant dream, that takes the shape of a lifetime, until we die again, setting foot on another dream.
In reality, what the fuck is reality?
Thanks x
Fitting the woolen bastards in to the glassed enclosure is one thing, but having enough cheerios to fill a bowl is another.
It takes 3 sheep to tame a horse, and one horse to defeat 3 sheep, so is the glass half full or half empty?
We all dream about things, but what if the dream we encounter becomes realer than real, and life itself becomes blurred.
What if when we die, we embark a constant dream, that takes the shape of a lifetime, until we die again, setting foot on another dream.
In reality, what the fuck is reality?
Thanks x
Nine Things by Dirk Wesley Slazenger
Christmas greetings,
1. Excess pubic hair is often given as a Christmas gift to orphans in China.
2. In 1809 a man lost an eye wrestling with a stray kebab. The kebab was later arrested and hanged.
3. Four hundred and seven years ago a horse was found dead. Tests later proved the horse had overdosed on Ketamine.
4. Paedophiles were invented in 1998.
5. Gin is the national drink of India.
6. 8+9=17
7. People with big hands are more likely to die, along with redheads and bricklayers.
8. Residents of Scotland are often considered to be racist alcoholics. This is a common misconception, in actual fact they are all inbred.
9. Elvis Presleys real name was Ralph.
1. Excess pubic hair is often given as a Christmas gift to orphans in China.
2. In 1809 a man lost an eye wrestling with a stray kebab. The kebab was later arrested and hanged.
3. Four hundred and seven years ago a horse was found dead. Tests later proved the horse had overdosed on Ketamine.
4. Paedophiles were invented in 1998.
5. Gin is the national drink of India.
6. 8+9=17
7. People with big hands are more likely to die, along with redheads and bricklayers.
8. Residents of Scotland are often considered to be racist alcoholics. This is a common misconception, in actual fact they are all inbred.
9. Elvis Presleys real name was Ralph.
Tuesday, 13 March 2012
A list of things i jotted down after interviewing a t-rex.
I was wondering along the street, my mind along with the thoughts it was producing away with the fairies. When out the corner of my eye I saw some shady sort of movement down a side street, after allowing the often sobering thought of "should i go down there, i could get hurt" to come and go from my suddenly present mind, I remembered I was smacked off my tits on kettermine. So boldly ket legged on down the secluded side street, only to find a T-rex feasting on the left overs of a doner kebab. I did what any sane man would have done, and said the first thing that came into my mind…"would you mind if I took you for a cup of coffee and asked you a few questions?". I could see the thought process whirring through the giants pea sized brain, but eventually he signalled 'yes' using the universally known signal of a nod of the head and a tip of the hat.
After beginning the interview, I quickly realised that the T-rex wanted to be in charge, so adapted and changed my interviewing style in the way that any world class reporter would have and metaphorically handed the reigns of the interview over to Tyrone (the T-rex) and asked him to tell me a few things about himself. Please see the list below (Please note that these are all genuine quotes);
1. "God gave us these stupid little arms (Tyrone showed me his shockingly small arms) so that we couldn't masturbate and waste our semen as it is like gold-dust in the dinosaur world" I told him I could feel his pain and showed him the area where my penis used to be and explained how I had lost it in a game of tiddlywinks that got a bit out of hand.
2. Tyrone went on to explain that T-rex's were and still are to this day huge (signalled a large amount with his tiny arms) wu-tang clan fans.
3. He made it clear that his favourite pastime was not scaring younger and smaller dinosaurs but actually throwing tree's as far as he could. (This is where the olympic event 'Javelin' originated from)
4. Tyrone claimed that he invented 'coke' by shitting into a puddle, getting his mate Trevor the T-rex to blow bubbles into the puddle and drinking it through the intestines of a dung beetle.
5. Tyrone announced on his departure that all T-rex's all still alive and live in a caravan park in cornwall called 'Iwouldn'tcomeinhereifiwereyou Caravan Park'. They play a lot of swingball and beach bowls to pass time. They are all converted vegetarians as a plea to prove their innocence and lift the bad name they have made for themselves in their previous life's.
To conclude: Tyrone was a lovely T-rex and even offered to pay for our expresso's, but feeling pretty humble in his presence I declined at put them on my credit-card. I agreed a date to go and meet Tyrone's family in Cornwall, and am often in contact Via. text message.
For now…Richard
After beginning the interview, I quickly realised that the T-rex wanted to be in charge, so adapted and changed my interviewing style in the way that any world class reporter would have and metaphorically handed the reigns of the interview over to Tyrone (the T-rex) and asked him to tell me a few things about himself. Please see the list below (Please note that these are all genuine quotes);
1. "God gave us these stupid little arms (Tyrone showed me his shockingly small arms) so that we couldn't masturbate and waste our semen as it is like gold-dust in the dinosaur world" I told him I could feel his pain and showed him the area where my penis used to be and explained how I had lost it in a game of tiddlywinks that got a bit out of hand.
2. Tyrone went on to explain that T-rex's were and still are to this day huge (signalled a large amount with his tiny arms) wu-tang clan fans.
3. He made it clear that his favourite pastime was not scaring younger and smaller dinosaurs but actually throwing tree's as far as he could. (This is where the olympic event 'Javelin' originated from)
4. Tyrone claimed that he invented 'coke' by shitting into a puddle, getting his mate Trevor the T-rex to blow bubbles into the puddle and drinking it through the intestines of a dung beetle.
5. Tyrone announced on his departure that all T-rex's all still alive and live in a caravan park in cornwall called 'Iwouldn'tcomeinhereifiwereyou Caravan Park'. They play a lot of swingball and beach bowls to pass time. They are all converted vegetarians as a plea to prove their innocence and lift the bad name they have made for themselves in their previous life's.
To conclude: Tyrone was a lovely T-rex and even offered to pay for our expresso's, but feeling pretty humble in his presence I declined at put them on my credit-card. I agreed a date to go and meet Tyrone's family in Cornwall, and am often in contact Via. text message.
For now…Richard
Monday, 5 March 2012
Rainbows and Scarves
Sitting on a block of stone, arms crossed, the mind well and truly lost.
Nothing around him, but an empty ball of space.
Without a shadow of a doubt, the stone in which he was sat on was the most desirable object, yet the mind in which his worlds are created allows for so much more.
When the eyes are closed, imagination becomes the strongest feeling.
Sat on his horse of steel, Truman rode away into the distance, to find the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.
Nothing around him, but an empty ball of space.
Without a shadow of a doubt, the stone in which he was sat on was the most desirable object, yet the mind in which his worlds are created allows for so much more.
When the eyes are closed, imagination becomes the strongest feeling.
Sat on his horse of steel, Truman rode away into the distance, to find the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.
Saturday, 3 March 2012
Ten Things I Learnt In Bed-By Dirk Edwardian Slazenger
Affable Holidays.
1. Popular supermarket Asda was invented by Adolf Hitler.
2. Ian Huntley is a huge cricket fan.
3. The first ever fight was in 1876 over a difficult game of draughts.
4. In Turkey, menstruation blood is considered a delicious afternoon snack.
5. The racial slur 'nigger' was coined by Martin Nigger, a Doctor from Reading. Nigger passed away in December 1988, and until 2002, every December was Nigger Appreciation Month.
6. Grass was invented in 1736.
7. Well loved murderer Fred West was the chairman of his local Ale Appreciation Society.
8. In Africa the most overweight man weighs a mere 7 stone.
9. Iranian children are punished using such methods as strangulation, castration, and murder.
10. Popular celebrity chef Ainsley Harriot is a rapist.
1. Popular supermarket Asda was invented by Adolf Hitler.
2. Ian Huntley is a huge cricket fan.
3. The first ever fight was in 1876 over a difficult game of draughts.
4. In Turkey, menstruation blood is considered a delicious afternoon snack.
5. The racial slur 'nigger' was coined by Martin Nigger, a Doctor from Reading. Nigger passed away in December 1988, and until 2002, every December was Nigger Appreciation Month.
6. Grass was invented in 1736.
7. Well loved murderer Fred West was the chairman of his local Ale Appreciation Society.
8. In Africa the most overweight man weighs a mere 7 stone.
9. Iranian children are punished using such methods as strangulation, castration, and murder.
10. Popular celebrity chef Ainsley Harriot is a rapist.
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