Last night was possibly THE best night of my life, whether you like it or not i am now going to talk you through it…As i mentioned in my very first post, please take everything i am about to say as seriously as you would when trying to unlock the other island on GTA IV, and do not doubt my own and my dear friends ability to act unsociably.
Firstly we had a treat in the shape of Miles Kane to start, finished of with a small 5 piece band from my home town of Leicester, KASABIAN. Ive been to a few gigs in my time, none better than what i saw, and heard last night…well played lads 9/10.
Secondly we had a tremendous night out, again. Consisting of beers, whiskey, whiskey, a little bit more whiskey, some more whiskey, a tincy wincy bit more whiskey and girls. I successfully chatted up 3 girls at once, and my friends will back that point up, id say get in touch with them, but they have all lost their mobile dog & bones. (just quietly, one said she was a lesbian when i first spoke to her, BUT I BOUGHT HER OVER TO THE DARK SIDE, OF DICK).
Now the fun begins, the walk home. As i mentioned earlier, please take everything i am about to s literally.
To start with me and my three best friends had a decent sized fight, if it were in shoe sizes…it would have been a 6.5uk, and the reason for the fight i hear you chomping at the bit to find out about…a chicken nugget! Just the one, a solitary chicken nugget was the reason for 4 best friends to fight in the middle of a street.
Anyway, being blokes we sat down on a bench, in a park, i cried, said sorry, and we all moved on! NEXT, to the bowling green, the poor bowling green which now is the proud owner of a large poo, yes i did a poo on a bowling green, I JUST DON'T ABIDE BY RULES!
Following this we decided to break into a very posh, and very expensive private schools football pitch, which two of my friends did successfully, simply hopping over the fence, cat-burglar-esc may i add. But while another of my friends was trying to make himself vomit by the side of a main road, i thought the better way to enter this sacred football pitch would be by shoeing the gate in, which i also succeeded in, a long with catching the attention of a few burly police officers. The police thought they could keep up with young, fresh, athletic lads like ourselves, but they were mistaken, even with the help of their very bright torches and intimidating screams we gave the rodgers the slip. As a result of this myself and a fellow companion got very very veryyyyyy lost, causing us to not get home for another 2 hours. We filled those two hours by checking every car door to see if we could get in, and also trying peoples front doors on occasion to see if we could sneak in there. Anyway…my comrade then found a form of transport commonly known as a bicycle, and to put it plainly i wanted the bike, and he fucked off with it. So not to be left out, i spotted my own form of transport in the shape of a young innocent girls pink scooter, left what they thought was safely in their front garden, so much to the surprise and joy of my friend i hurtled up by him on a scooter and we travelled home in style.
That was our night summed up as shortly, and as sweetly as possible. I hope you've enjoyed being part of the 'worlds longest blog post ever since blog posts began, maybe even since writing even began'.
As i said, all of the above truly happened, and if you have any problems with how we conduct ourselves on a night, please feel free to keep it to yourself, as i couldn't give a fuck.
For now…Dick
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