SlazengerRuminations.com

Hello,

Here are five of the inventions I have discovered this week. Available online at www.SlazengerRuminations.com or telephone 07515531314 to order now.

1. String Boat- Like a normal boat but made entirely out of string. Useful for winning boat races due to its aerodynamicness. Can be also used as a large hat in wet or windy conditions.

2. Metal Paper- One sheet is all you'll ever need. Used exactly like conventional paper, the difference being, nothing can be erased. Perfect for people who are often getting work written on. RRP Only £300.

3. Dunga-rees- Trousers designed by, made by, sold by and repaired by former Brazilian World Cup winner Dunga.

4. Elephant Juice- Brand New drinks range. Ingrediants- Elephant sweat,water,fruit juice,sugar,bicarbonate of soda. Only £4.99

5. Edible Condoms- For the city gent who is too busy to lunch. Carry this simple device in your wallet each day for when hunger strikes. Using a forefinger and a thumb simply roll over tongue and swallow. Flavours include-Branston Pickle, Steak 'n' Kidney, Bourbon Biscuit and Radish. (Not suitable for using during intercourse)