Right. Here are the things I've learnt today. In no particular order.
6. Left handed people are more likely to die.
3. In Spain Dogs are considered more important than women.
1. Water was discovered in May 1877 by a Polish immigrant who was looking for his Mum.
8. Eyes are important for things like driving, looking at stuff and eating.
2. The first haircut ever invented was the comb-over. This was replaced by the mullet, then the beehive and finally the centre parting. Other haircuts such as the front ponytail, mucktop, back parting and the cowshit were dismissed as lazy and derivative.
9. Noel Gallagher is the only Mancunian to earn over £20,000 per annum.
4. Cricket was discovered in 1065 in the same field as football, tennis, rugby and fishing. Golf was discovered in 1980 and nobody knows about basketball.
10. Some people are white, some people are black, some people are yellow, some people are brown and some people are dead.
5. The World Lawn Mowing Competition began in 1937 in Canada. The current record belongs to Mr Edward Syllable who in 2001 mowed 12 lawns in 7 hours.
7. Scarves are the national animal of Indonesia.
11. Men have bigger genitalia than women.
17. In 1990 a man spent four hours admiring a kestrel. On closer inspection the man discovered it was actually a billboard advertising cereal. He retired home having wasted an entire evening.
13. A man named Jesus Christ was once crucified for stealing. People celebrate his life every 5th November with a bonfire.
19. An assault on a wardrobe was once reported in Basingstoke. Passers by claimed that although the wardrobe was innocent, he had been asking for a slamming.
20. Brain tumors are caused by tight hats, long hair and baseball bats.
DIRK.
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