A list of things to do when there is nothing better to do, i haven't put a specific number of 'things' there will be in this list as i am unsure myself.

When I don't have anything to do, I recall this list of activities that was passed down to me from my great great grandad via. the family dog who's name was david.

1. Try as hard as you can to hold yourself up in a seated position by pulling upwards with your hands from underneath your buttocks, try and counteract the force of gravity pulling you to the ground. My great great grandad mentioned that he once saw a man in Serbia do this…he also mentioned that he could have just been sat on a see-through chair.

2. Go into your nearest tube/underground/train station and begin to busk. Play an array of appalling songs and accompany them with equally atrocious James Blunt esc. vocals. If you are successful enough to receive any charity from the passers by, immediately pick up the coins, throw them back at the giver and shout in your most ironic voice "I DON'T WANT YOUR CHARITY".

3. Smash your house up.

4. When nearing completion of masturbation, quickly jump to your feet and see how far you can run with the wobbly knee's that come hand in hand with a male orgasm. I managed 186metres once, and still stands as the furthest 'wank run' completed by a non-pornstar. (I realise this could be slightly sexist towards women, so on the flip side women get yourself to the heightened state and quickly jump to your feet and see how many plates you can wash up).

5. Write a rap song and send it to 50cent or Jay Z, and tell them in a straight to the point yet most polite fashion that if they don't sign you to their label you will not hesitate to start spreading rumours that all their material was actually written by Daniel Bedingfield.

6. Drink as much as you can and ring up ex-girlfriends/lovers and declare your love to them. This is not the main event of this activity, no no nooo, this is only the warm up. The main event will start the day after around 1ish when you have to start digging your way out of the holes you got yourself into the previous night. "sorry baby, i was sooo drunk" is not a valid or acceptable excuse. USE YOUR BRAINS, THIS IS WHY GOD GAVE THEM TO US!

7. Go into a posh restaurant, order their finest steak cooked medium to rare. On arrival ask for some french mustard and a small helping on tartare sauce, eat the fat from the steak and immediately get up and leave.

I hope these few simple activities help pull you through the torrid times of boredom through to the narnia like times of being constantly active in your local community.

For now…Richard