A list of things i jotted down after interviewing a t-rex.

I was wondering along the street, my mind along with the thoughts it was producing away with the fairies. When out the corner of my eye I saw some shady sort of movement down a side street, after allowing the often sobering thought of "should i go down there, i could get hurt" to come and go from my suddenly present mind, I remembered I was smacked off my tits on kettermine. So boldly ket legged on down the secluded side street, only to find a T-rex feasting on the left overs of a doner kebab. I did what any sane man would have done, and said the first thing that came into my mind…"would you mind if I took you for a cup of coffee and asked you a few questions?". I could see the thought process whirring through the giants pea sized brain, but eventually he signalled 'yes' using the universally known signal of a nod of the head and a tip of the hat.
After beginning the interview, I quickly realised that the T-rex wanted to be in charge, so adapted and changed my interviewing style in the way that any world class reporter would have and metaphorically handed the reigns of the interview over to Tyrone (the T-rex) and asked him to tell me a few things about himself. Please see the list below (Please note that these are all genuine quotes);

1. "God gave us these stupid little arms (Tyrone showed me his shockingly small arms) so that we couldn't masturbate and waste our semen as it is like gold-dust in the dinosaur world" I told him I could feel his pain and showed him the area where my penis used to be and explained how I had lost it in a game of tiddlywinks that got a bit out of hand.

2. Tyrone went on to explain that T-rex's were and still are to this day huge (signalled a large amount with his tiny arms) wu-tang clan fans.

3. He made it clear that his favourite pastime was not scaring younger and smaller dinosaurs but actually throwing tree's as far as he could. (This is where the olympic event 'Javelin' originated from)

4. Tyrone claimed that he invented 'coke' by shitting into a puddle, getting his mate Trevor the T-rex to blow bubbles into the puddle and drinking it through the intestines of a dung beetle.

5. Tyrone announced on his departure that all T-rex's all still alive and live in a caravan park in cornwall called 'Iwouldn'tcomeinhereifiwereyou Caravan Park'. They play a lot of swingball and beach bowls to pass time. They are all converted vegetarians as a plea to prove their innocence and lift the bad name they have made for themselves in their previous life's.

To conclude: Tyrone was a lovely T-rex and even offered to pay for our expresso's, but feeling pretty humble in his presence I declined at put them on my credit-card. I agreed a date to go and meet Tyrone's family in Cornwall, and am often in contact Via. text message.


For now…Richard